Don't give up. Just keep going.

magnolia white clouds.

2009-09-12T15:19:00.002+08:00

subject:
mode of transportation.

J: car.
(someone): bus.
J: skateboard.
(someone): aeroplane.
J: boat.
(someone): rabbit.
J: ....WHAT?!

subject:
nil.

J: i just ate a caterpillar.
S: WHAT?!

2009-09-12T15:10:00.002+08:00

speedseven steamboat later.
<3

cos we are finally free, tonight.

2009-09-11T22:31:00.003+08:00

THANKS tanqiuying for spending 9 hours with me at JE library/Sci Centre macs today:)and also saw bernard at yewtee. haha.then went to BOO! someone when she came down from the bus.

haha.
jielin's niece shirt is too big for jielin.HAHAHHAHAHAHA.this made me laugh for several minutes. i lost track.hahahaaahahaha.

ohh & guess what i learnt tday!! #1- i cant cook.
#2- i cant stand liars.. though i do lie.. sometimes.
#3- i cant cook ):
#4- compounds are made up of 2 or more elements chemically combined together.
#5 - i cant stand liars.
#6- i cant cook.
last but not least,#7 - i cant stand liars.

oh well,TUITION TMR:)
SPEED 7 STEAMBOAT TOMORROW.

:):):)

bye!

netball

2009-09-11T00:02:00.007+08:00

tonight im more tired than ever.
because when my passion is at stake,
i don't know what's right what's wrong anymore.

i feel so torn between club (speed 7's) training and school (regent) trainings.
i don't like the position i am in now.
i really.. don't.
maybe i've caused this upon myself,
had it not been i had kept quiet about it all along,
this would not have happened.

why is it that in speed7 trainings,
ms. neo puts me down as a Center,
i feel more and more stressed than before.
i dont enjoy the game like i used to anymore.

my passes have gone from bad to worse.
my runs... are a total mess.
spacing, area defense, footwork, balance, balancing of the court, cross-court, dodges, agility runs, stop-change of direction, feeding in, foresight, stamina etc.

everytime i think silently to myself,
"im going to work on it the next time, im going to get better the next time. next time, i'll improve on all those and work out. next time, i will do this, i will do that to improve it. i will watch out next time for this so as to be better."
next time, next time, next time.
when's my next time going to happen?
why's it that whenever i make a pact to myself to improve on something,
that motivation only lasts for such a short period of time and then it's gone?
why's it that, the sudden boost of inspiration can only last for such a short period of time?

i dont want to fall to be the lousiest player in speed 7.
i dont like to disappoint people.

i hate that fact that im inconsistent.
because one day i can intepret the game so well,
the next everything just goes haywire.

i was so fustrated with myself today.
you can blame that i have my stamina sucks.
i dont mind.
but do you know how tiring it is to actually last through that whole quarter?
do you understand how it feels when coach keeps expecting MORE and MORE from you each time?
have you felt what it is before when, you ran up all the way to the attacking third, and then the ball gets intercepted, you run back down to the defending third, and then you run up all the way again to wherever the ball is?
do you know how fustrating it is when your effort is wasted when the shooter doesn't get that one shot in?
do you know how it feels like that only when the ball is in the goal circle, that is the only time when you can get a hold of yourself, and keep huffing and panting?
do you know it's like whenever you have to get the ball after the shooter puts the ball in, and you have to step into the centre circle making sure you treasure that very center pass?
have you felt what it was like when you are standing in that centre circle, NO ONE runs up to offer. everyone's stuck behind the defender or making no effort to run at all. have you ever felt how alone and solitary you are for that very moment? have coach ever blamed you for that even when you know that you are not in the wrong?
have coach ever scolded you, and then you felt it was unfair because he/she doesnt know how tired you are?
have coach ever scolded you for your terrible passes and then reprimanded you, as being a centre for being the 'controller of the game.'
have you ever had a bad feed inside to the shooters because you were so tired that you couldnt think properly?
have you ever felt that feeling of wanting to STOP and just GIVE UP because you know no one can comprehend how tired you are feeling at that very moment?

i have. i did.
and im positive that the many others that played this position before must have went through such... feelings before.

sometimes it feels like you have given your best but it was never enough.
it was never enough to satisfy anyone.

as a midfielder, i have the tendency to blame my teammates instead of myself first.
i know that this is ruthless, selfless and zero sportsmanship.
but considering the factors that i've with me.
i know it's wrong, im changing this mindset.
because a team is together.
like coach ms tan says that i need to adapt to the different surroundings.
there are many times i feel like giving up,
trust me i just wanted to stop there and then.
i wanted to walk out of the court and say,
"how about you come in and try to be a centre and see how the hell it feels like?!"

its not easy to keep running and going on when you know what's going on inside of you.
but there is no way that i should blame my teammates.
just like friends.
they are not mindreaders, they cant intepret or comprehend how or what you feel.
never ever assume that they know.
looks can be deceiving.
sometimes we just take a breathe and take it all in.
even if its hard we just pull through.
its like that.

and this is only what i feel of club trainings.

school trainings?

do you know how these mixed emotions feel like?
put together, and i feel worse than being confused.
i feel like im being used and being taken advantage of.
what am i?

coach. what exactly am i?

what do you expect of me?
what do you see of me?
do you really plan to carve my path as a Goal-Attack?
or are you plainly using me?
are you taking advantage of this opportunity to get me to serve as a motivation to another person?
exactly what am i now?

because of me being a GA, it has became more difficult than ever to blend in.
i can never suceed as a shooter in club trainings.
in their eyes i am but a lone midfielder.
do you know how hard it is to keep adapting to the many different scenarios each time?
one time im running like mad the next i have to learn when NOT to run.

you told me not to catch lobs, you just told me to "connect" between the feeders (C,WA) and shooter. (GS.) that was all my job.
and whenever i grasp hold of the netball in the goal circle,
my first intention is never to shoot.
it is but to only give a second pass to my GS.
that's all. im only to be a connector as you said.

coach, are you actually serious or are you toying with it?
you can put me down as a GA in friendly matches and trainings,
but if you were to put me down as that for west zone,
i wont be able to do well.
i really won't.

now i've mixed up my play of being a GA and a midfielder,
its so complicating.
i dont know where to run, what not to run.
what if one day i run in to the goal circle?
what if one day i forget to step in to the centre circle and start a centre pass?
i really dont know.

coach.

what exactly am i now?

emo post.
but im just confused.

2009-09-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

im officially a student from bukit panjang govt. high today!! :)
i have a picture to proveeeeeee!!
(wait till janice goh sends me. haha.)

HEADING TO KALLANG TRAINING NOWW~
goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

life isnt a smooth road,
we're bound to meet obstacles.

2009-09-08T23:02:00.001+08:00

If roses can be
Yellow
Pink
Red
White
And still be rose

If hair can be
Red
Blonde
Brunette
Black
And still be hair

If eyes can be
Green
Blue
Brown
Hazel
And still be eyes

Then why can't humans be
Black
White
Hispanic
Asian
and still be accepted?

Why can't people be
Special
Different
Unique
Original
And still be people?

-chicken soup for the teenage soul, lyssa anderson, aged 12.

unattractive and unknowledgeable to the power of 1000000.

2009-09-08T20:14:00.003+08:00

if your day hasnt went well,
i hope these videos would cheer you up!! :)
or at least make you puke to feel better.
i dont know, whichever one works. :)

IM SO UNATTRACTIVE OK. I KNOW.
and quite senseless in my answers also.
epic drama queen much!!

i know im super unglam to the power of 10000000000000000.
i think i'll never get married after these videos have went onto the internet.
HAHA. gosh.

well i made a fool out of myself during the vid. haha.
hope you laughed at least.
SO 'WEIDA' right!?!

i know im very retarded.
no face liao. haha.
but if me making myself look extremely horrifying and rediculeous and unglamarous and totally not at all appealing..
could make you smile..
than its worth it, at least. :):)

p/s;
DOWNLOAD THE VIDEO AND I WON'T FRIEND YOU.
I SWEAR!!

2009-09-08T00:38:00.001+08:00

throw it away, forget yesterday.
we'll make the great escape.

light up, light up.

2009-09-07T22:54:00.001+08:00

training in the morning.
i would say that her training's are a killer but at the same time i am weak.

sorry jielin and jiarui!!
i think i caused you guys to run alot, thanks to my awful passes/lobs.
sorry!!!! ):

after trg, went to eat @ macs with olivia and jielin.
funnyyyyyyyyy uh they all. haha.

went home. bathed.. and i slept for around 3 hours!!
making up for the lost sleep time x_x

dinner at home, then went tuition.
reached home at 10pm:)

might be accompanying zaheera to go sch tmr!!
have to wake up early again.
maybe going out with regina for lunchh.

then wednesday is movie @ orchard!!:)
oh.. plus training.

thursday KNC training!!
friday's FREE!!:)
saturday speed steamboat+volunteer work!

sunday is get ready for sch and finish ALL my last min hmwk.
D'OH:)

end here.
or not.

BYE!:)

"why didn't i study harder then?"
never ever want to hear this.
never.

stop saying it's going to happen tomorrow.

2009-09-06T21:29:00.004+08:00

because tomorrow will never ever come.

CA2 results: 6A1s, 2A2s (science, chinese.)
keep moving foward, full speed ahead.

and than go on, headstrong.

i promise you.my best.

miaowmiaow

2009-09-05T21:45:00.002+08:00

i lost her, this day. 1 year ago.
it wasnt until the next month till i found out that she died in a car accident.
you're in a better place now.
rest in peace.

xoxo.

would you believe me if i told you i was halfway there?

2009-09-04T19:07:00.002+08:00

"Whats the point of having an A when majority of the school also got an A?
Your A is useless."
-mr imarah.

2009-09-04T00:10:00.002+08:00

ran 5 rounds after chinese oral.
reached home 5.45pm, left home at 630pm.
trained all the way to dhoby ghaut, bus to KNC.
training.... played center. 1 quarter of 10 mins, another quarter until lights went off.
reached home at 12am.

i wonder how long can this last.
im starting to think if the fight is worth it.
dealing with a few hours of sleep everyday has been quite a challenge already.
trying to stay awake in class is kinda torturing recently.
trainings are not going easier anymore since coach returned.
and i dont want to fall in my studies. not now.

i know im not suppose to be blogging (geez i've been blogging quite regularly for BOTH of my 2 blogs. i know i have no life.) at this moment now.

report books tomorrow.
~~

hopefully these results can bring me somewhere.
literally.

thank goodness, after tomorrow its finally that one week break.
this time im not going to.... waste time.

i remember it was the start of the year when my form teacher comes in and tell us,
"guys, this year will pass very fast. you will be streaming for your exams before you know it."
i remember clearly how i rolled my eyes and acted as if it was just an exaggeration.
well, his right.

life is short.
and time will wait for no one.

k i really needa go sleep now.
goodnight :)

2009-09-02T20:47:00.000+08:00

im kinda tired.

prefect photoshoot tomorrow. meeting emily to run 10 rounds with her after sch tomorrow. kallang netball training tomorrow.

sigh, guess i have to cancel our lunch date again tomorrow.
im sorry ):

tomorrow,

2009-09-01T23:59:00.001+08:00

tomorrow will be a brighter day.
:)

woke up it was 7, waited till 11 just to figure out that no one would call.

2009-09-01T16:32:00.003+08:00

went to seek consultation from the doctor just now.
and he's transfering me to national hosp of something..
and the appointment is on 6th oct!
falls on my exam date -_-

at first the card wrote 8.10am.
after that i was like eh wthwth cannot cannot i have exam!!
so time changed to afternoon.

i dont want to go for surgery!!!!!

2009-09-01T00:05:00.001+08:00

wake me up when september ends.

2009-08-31T22:24:00.002+08:00

you will never understand why i made that decision.
it wasnt because i had no feelings.
it was because deep down i knew that this friendship was too much to risk.

senior prefects are kewl.

2009-08-30T23:50:00.003+08:00

talking to senior prefects is soo cool.

haha.
and i really mean senior people.
like extremely old people.
eg. kelvin, who says that i have the power to make principals fall down.
then sms nicole jiarui grace they all also.

i'm finally not that nervous after talking to all of them.
haha, THANKS! :D
so cool. haha.

okay i should go now,
BYE.

cant believe such old people is still awake in the night.
ahaha.
dunno who ah.
:)

tomorrow.

2009-08-30T21:44:00.002+08:00

tomorrow-
its all part of chasing the dream.

i really dont know what to say about tomorrow!!
i just hope things will go well.
really.

though i know i will suck tomorrow,
but i'll look back and it'll just be another piece of my childhood memory.
:):)

i hope the words that comes out,
will make sense to you.

hopefully.

p/s: hope nothing cracks tmr.

who am i kidding!!

AHH im so nervous that i dont think i can sleep today.
):

listen.

2009-08-30T19:25:00.002+08:00

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going

You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much unknown
Along the way
Then I heard you say

(Chorus)
I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

i promise you, im always there.
:)

you cant play on broken strings.

2009-08-29T21:49:00.000+08:00

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything

When I love you and so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

Oh, what are we doing?
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late, too late

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late, too late

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
So how can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
Oh, you know that I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

2009-08-29T19:22:00.000+08:00

i feel sick.
jielin, your turn to catch my nose):

when there's nothing left to say.

2009-08-28T22:39:00.007+08:00

today doesnt really seem any different than yesterday.
mm.

did morning attendance for sec 3 again, now solo.
went into class 3-2 and saw mervyn.
act cool only!!
tshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

haha. after that went back to class,
science lesson was at bio lab.
datalogger datalogger datalogger~

PE.. uhh.
i think i injured alot of people that time.
cos we were playing captain ball..
and umm.. yeah it was a netball ball....
than ummmmmmm..
oh well yeah i just kinda injured alot of people.
SORRY!!! ):
i didnt mean it!
really!!
im serious,
netball does wonders.
:)

recess, than cme.
after that MT lesson.

reading chicken soup for teenage soul.
IM NOT A NERD. OR A GEEK. OR A BOOKWORM.
though i must confess i nearly falled off the stairs cos i was too busy reading.
i mean that happens to anyone right?
rhetorical question, of course!! :)

NETBALL PHOTOSHOOT!
after that went to hall with lt~
rehearsalllllllllllllll.
left at 5pm+
took bus to CCK,
went to meet faye mervyn and desmondng.
cos it was desmondng's bday~!
mervyn keep saying i act cool again.
ughhhhh.

watched UP.
but most of the time i felt really tired in the theatres.
felt like as if i was playing gooseberry.
haha.
movie ended at 9pm+
faster took bus home.
reached home around 930pm.
im soooooooo sleepy.

and i cant believe tomorrow is a saturday!!
i actually want to go to school tomorrow.
somebody call 911~
(shawty fire burning on the dance floor)

im quite lame when im sleepy.
please dont mind me:)

anyway im quite satisfied with my CA results!!
post it only when i receive my report book.

mm.

let it rain again tomorrow morning~
(P/S: JR!:) RELAX AND CHILL. DON'T STRESS UNTIL YOUR BLACK HAIR TURNS WHITE.)
if it starts raining on a weekend then i can sleep peacefully and NOT wait for teachers to finish sipping coffee/milo at the staffroom to pass them attendance books!!

woohooo.

:):)

im really sorry.

that's all, really.

i dont need to be there to actually be there. i can be here and that's alright.

2009-08-27T23:39:00.003+08:00

(p/s: after reading this post, i think i suan jiarui alot of times. HAHA okay fine 3. i counted. :D)im feeling rather optimistic today.
actually i just feel great after playing netball at KNC :)

this whole week has been raining.
so sian!!
hate going up to do attendance.
walk left walk right while teachers in staff room sipping on coffee or milo or something.
confirm one lor!!
(HEAD PREFECT JR, DO YOU HEAR ME? :D)

and the inter-cca competition!!
from monday postpone postpone postpone.
haha. let ms sng wait more luh.

okok, start from sch.

morning attendance w/ jiapei.
lessons~~

OH WAIT I HAVE SOMETHING TO ANNOUNCE!!

IF COACH STELLA TAN WITH HER PINK SHIRT WAS HERE,
I WANNA TELL HER (AND YOU PEOPLE) OUT THERE SOMETHING!!

I GOT AN "A" FOR MY CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONT KAN BU QI ME OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DWO DE HUA WEN IS LIKE, KE YI STILL MAKE IT.HAHAH WO ZHI DAO XIAN ZAI HEN action,
KE SHI ZHE SHI YI GE HEN happy de dong xi! HAHA.
haha in chinese is what?
still haha right?
SEE! HAHAHA! yeah that was my chinese hahaha.
ITS BEEN FOREVER SINCE I SAW A MARK ABOVE 70 FOR MY CHINESE!!!

UMMM LIKE PRIMARY 2 I THINK?!

AND TO JIARUI,
I DIDN'T BRIBE THE TEACHER OKAY.
MY TEACHER = YOUR TEACHER.
:P

okay i was damn happy after that!!

i see improvement in maths (graphs) tooooo!! :)
i like lines better than algebra.
try harder algebra! :P

after that, went to library. study.. but ended up playing uno.
hahahahahaha.
then went to hall find the pref. board.
just in time! they just finished e banner. HAHA.

then

after that wahhh. everyone's hand super black and dirty.. expect jiarui lah. i mean. she said she's "black enough". HAHA.

so wahlao the moment i stepped in, some sec 1 prefs like came to me and then like grabbed my hand and spread the blackblack ink thing onto my hand. like kaya like that.

SICK CAN!!

so of course good things must share :)
hahaha. than went around spreading.
after that washwashwash like crazy to get it out.

than dancedance again~~
mcfly~ wooooooooooooooooooooooo!
five colours in her hair.
i dont know but this song is..
errr meaningless?
just the WOOO part sounds cool.
hahaha.

okay lah quite hyper song.
then discussed abt attire.
after that 630pm reached home, 6pm left sch.

changed got everything ready,
went to KNC.
reached exactly at 8! :)

then training~~
damn long since i played full game and ACTUALLY feel like i did give my best.

one swipe of the towel across my face and then you feel powerful.
that one line that comes out from coach, "break." and you actually feel like you deserved it.
woooooosh.
love KNC trainings!

went home.
got scolding from my parents again.
i'll just leave that out.
dont want to spoil the mood.
haha.

i think tomorrow i have to chiong homework again.
or at least going to have problem waking up.again. haha.
i look forward to my science results tmr and english!!

btw!! i finally found out which course i WANT to take next year:)
but its a course that RGT doesn't have. duhh.
wooshhh. better go find more schools.
but firstly, work on the results first.
jiayou, so far everything's going well.:)
not exactly my best,
but it is satisfying to see those As.
yeah.

okayy shall end here.
tough day tomorrow.
BYE~~ :)

all those times of being a substitude,
all those times of being similar to a mute,
i guess i can confidently let go of it now.
for you have no use of me anymore.
i guess i was a toy? a puppet?
whatever it is,
the strings have finally been snapped.
:)
i dont need to be there to actually be there,
for i can be here and it'll still be okay.
even if you dont wish to acknowledge it,
i guess im fine with that too.
there are some things that i know you don't wish to tell me,
because i understand how it is that things from the past cannot be brought back to life.
similar to once again, fundamentals of loss.
silently being there for someone is good enough.
for me, at least.
i know with all those trainings and stuff,
i may seem like a busy person.
well not saying that im not.
but know that..
whatever it is or whatever im doing,
whether im in trainings or whether im busy running errands,
whether im there or im far away,
please know that i still am here.

"even if you cannot hear my voice,
i'll be right beside you, dear.
louder, louder,
and we'll run for our lives.'
- run by snow patrol.

finding that pace.

2009-08-26T20:02:00.002+08:00

still am tired after everything that's happened.

where's that pace?
how many times i silently chanted to myself today,
"pain is temporary, pride lasts forever."
yet....

well, im taking a break.

no im just kidding.
of course i am.

what break?

Run- Snow Patrol

2009-08-25T21:55:00.000+08:00

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

quote from sarah g's again.

2009-08-25T21:52:00.000+08:00

"To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about it, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride, and its not about how you appear, and it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isnt blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat.

To let go is to cherish memories, to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind in confidence for the future. Letting go is learning, experiencing, and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. letting go is growing up. it is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, to clear a path and let yourself free.”

when you believe.

2009-08-25T19:47:00.003+08:00

recently still feeling vexed after everything that's happened.
feeling really stressed too.

i still suck in _____ing.
no matter how hard i try, feels like im a million miles away.

and im done with my history report.
took me about 3 hours.
super long reportttttt.........

but i guess my grades for CA2 so far has been quite okay.
got back results for literature, history and maths..
so far still satisfied.
but im more worried about chinese and science.
i cant afford to fail science.
cos mr im said its one of the important components if i want to appeal to another sch.

i miss playing netball..
and the feeling of playing it that makes me forget all the worries and let free.
and i hope i can make it for kallang training on thursday.
though im feeling very sick lately.

my stamina is officially very sucky now.
so i hope i wont screw up beep test tomorrow.
i hope i wont give up that easily.
and persevere, to the very end.

:)

Lost

2009-08-24T22:37:00.002+08:00

You may have a lot of friends but there's no one for you to turn to.

lay down your hearts.

2009-08-23T21:09:00.002+08:00

i found out that watching you walk out of my life doesnt make me feel bitter or cynical about love. rather, it makes me realize that if i wanted so much to be with the wrong person.. and how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.

stumbled upon this quote:

"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

yeah.

live on, i will. :)

quoted from sarah g's.

2009-08-23T00:49:00.001+08:00

Think about it: Maybe it’s just not meant to be. Now accept it. It’s as good as trying to fit two puzzle pieces of porcelain together, even when it obviously doesn’t work. Go on, continue working on it. The pieces are going to smash like a gigantic fireball to the universe. Yes i know what you’re going to say next. That even with all the broken pieces you can continue loving. But this is life, my dear, not a fucking disney motion picture and hard as you might wish you’ll never be the next cinderella. All that naivety… What’s next? Kissy-kissy with a frog? This is the cold hard truth in your face – love is just a four-lettered word and it is not enough to bring or keep two people together forever.

Do you know how people fall for each other? When they look into each other’s eyes and see a beautiful core. A core the size of a nut, but that’s what counts. Thing is, what surrounds the core is very complex. There’s this whole shit on building of protection walls, of ex-lovers, of bad memories, of expectations, of pretense and toughness. It’s hardly ever core to core, and that is why some people don’t match. Listen to me and learn to let go. Time heals all wounds. I’m not saying there won’t be scars, but it will eventually heal. One day you’ll find this core. Might not be magical, might not be a lot of love. But you’ll soon learn that the one for you doesn’t sweep you off your feet. He/She steadies you up and sets you walking instead.”

2009-08-22T20:54:00.001+08:00

officially no face liao. ):

NETBALL<3

2009-08-22T10:34:00.001+08:00

REGENT NETBALL <3
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

UP THE SKY, DOWN THE SEA.
HERE WE STRIVE FOR VICTORY:)
WHO ARE WE?
WE'RE NETBALLERS. :)

2009-08-21T20:08:00.002+08:00

so tired.
hectic school life.

but today's event cheered me up alot!:)

inter-cca games, teeheehee.
love netball. love netballers<3 had fun playing b.ball after sch.
awesome job guys!!:)

rehearsal today was cancelled, postpone to monday.
gonna be missing training. haihz.
and beep test on monday!!

finally i can rest early today.
and i neednt wake up so early tomorrow.

busy week. so much happenings.

esp a new role to take on now.
but hey so far i think im liking the community:)

at the same time my hectic schedule has caused a few others to be upset and angry.
but yes its tiring and everything,
is it so hard to seek your acceptance and your understanding?
yeah i guess i was right about you and me all along.
im learning to expect the lowest out of the ppl i thought the highest of.

yupyup. thats all:)
other than that, life is just same ole busy.
just the way it'll be.

xoxo :)

2009-08-20T21:13:00.003+08:00

2 months ago..do you recall?

Loss

2009-08-19T22:26:00.001+08:00

English Descriptive Writing- Jasmine Goh.

I used to presume that the fundamental in the term, "loss" was the signification that what's lost can still be found. For example, a man loses his wallet and finds it the next day, in the back pocket of his faded blue jeans. A fraught teenager searches frantically for his late overdue homework, and finds it in the last minute crumpled under his study table.

When it was my fourth birthday, my grandmother gave me an exquisite quilt that she has been sewing on for several years. I reprimanded her and kept whining on how much I wanted that barbie doll set on display instead of the quilt. Infuriated, I chucked the quilt in the corner of my bedroom's closet. I never wanted to see that fugly thing again. I didn't talk to my grandmother ever since the incident.

A few days later, I was rummaging through my closet for suitable clothes to wear on my day out. Soon enough, there was a huge pile of clothing on the floor. "Well.. that's the last of it." I silently thought to myself.

A pang of realization then strucked me.

Where was the quilt that my grandmother gave me? I was dismayed and was at a loss for words. It was missing- I had lost it. I knew that my grandmother would be disappointed in me for losing such a vulnerable item, hence I kept the truth away from her.

That night, I couldn't get any sleep. I stayed up all night thinking about how guilty I felt. As the sky darkened, my eyes soon begun to close. I woke up the next morning, tucked under the quilt. I didn't know how it got there, but I was so relieved that I found it. I hugged it close to me and promised I will never let it off my sight. It was there and then I realized how much I should have cherished the things that were so important to me.

A few years later, I lost another, much more beautiful treasure. She was my grandmother, and she was a precious fiery gem among the colourless stones that made up my world. I wake up every morning as if it's just another ordinary day. For the first few moments of my day, everything seems as if it's right where it should be. Then I remember.

Material things that holds sentimental values can still be found- if you try searching hard enough. But, in the cruel aspect of life, when humans lives are lost- they can never be replaced, no matter how much you try finding. Time will wait for no one, and you can't rewind back to the past. That was the way of life.

Now, I understand the true meaning of loss; the recognition, that the thing you lost can never be found.

potential.

2009-08-19T20:23:00.002+08:00

should i appeal?

time waits for no one.

2009-08-18T22:13:00.003+08:00

i'd probably have no life cos im posting in 2 blogs with 2 separate posts :)
tsktsk.

very busy this week. tsk. no time to go basketball at all.
sian. really miss metal and kaijun.. and faye!
:(

so today was slightly special than all the other typical school days.

yeah.. im a prefect today.
the badge and the tie. really. wow.
all too fast for me too. and sudden.

did attendance with farahin for upper secondary.
some of the teachers arent friendly.
wow. but i guess thats what you get when you're gonna meet the same face every day.
tsh.

and everytime i walked past a sec 3 class, i hear people calling my name and asking me if im a prefect!! im not being egoistical here but i think they were all my netball seniors. damn paiseh. jiarui told me that jielin asked her this,
"jasmine part time prefect ah?"

wahlaooo!!
no comments~~

after done with attendance, lessons.

well..
clearly, she isnt happy.
i thought for once she could be happy for me for this decision i made.
i know that my life is already fully packed with all this netball stuff and everything.
you even scolded me saying that i could have rejected ms su.
yeah you are right. i could have rejected and said no to being a prefect. i was given a choice.
but i have made my stand already.
i dont wish to go back on my words.
i know you care for me as a very close friend and everything.
but right now i seek is your acceptance and for you to understand.
maybe its going to be hard for you to adapt to this.
but please. please understand.

during science, ms goh asked me why i suddenly became a prefect.
explained to her and everything.
than ms toh asked.
and wu lao shi also who gave me that o_0 look today earlier in upper sec assembly.
i cant believe im sayin this,
but im afraid to see mr imarah tomorrow.

i remember the previous student teacher meeting i had with him.
it was about time managing.
and all about sacrifices.
i know he cares and he believes that i have potential.
but i fear i might have disappointed him.

you know what was.... weird?

all the teachers and a few friends that asked me, they had one question in common.

"can you juggle between this and all your other activies?"

wow i guess everything is so self explanatory.

i think i honestly lied to every single one of them and told them i can. but really.. i dont know. its quite scary now thinking about it. im lying to myself and yet everyone else that i know. like im trying to be strong but instead im afraid i'll crumble down.

this week has really been so.. so hectic.

i spend my whole night doing book review. and i have a history test to study for tomorrow. plus my chinese zhou ji which i really dont cant care less anymore.

and for wednesday, i have to study for my maths common test.
my current situation in maths is really.. CMI.
i dont want to lose that dream of going to the top class just because of my maths and science.
that will suck. really.

back to lessons anyway..

got back science results and literature.

sci- 29/50. lit- 22/25.

i expected better..for both papers. really. could have studied harder.
esp disappointed in science.

sigh, library than home.

its only the first day jasminegoh! ughh..
i guess i should stop making sucha big deal out of it.
but hey what am i suppose to do about it?

talking so much, i forgot something that mr imarah told me.
it was so important i cant believe i forgot it.

"dont forget jasmine. you're only 13."

yes im only 13 going on 14.
just that..
yeah.. just like that.

2009-08-17T23:01:00.001+08:00

PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME....
AFTER THESE FEW VERY UNGLAM PICTURES OF ME.

SERIOUSLY. DON'T JUDGE ME.

I'M NOT THAT UNGLAM ): i promise!!

but here's the story:

once upon a time, there was a girl.
her name was jasmine.
her friends wanted to throw her into the sea.
the girl held her legs. the guy pulled her arms.
the guy in red was doing the chikupah dance.

their plan was working.
the girl kept struggling.
but the guys and girls were too strong.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?!

the girl was too heavy. they gave up and walked away.

THE END. HAHA.

im becoming a prefect tomorrow.
ms su talked to me on the phone via jiarui's handphone.
talked and talked, and than poof.
anyway when i passed the phone back to jiarui, know what ms su said about me?

she said i was quite confident, but i talked alot of crap. hahaaa!!

cos prefect need wear tie and badge what.
than i was asking her if i will die from heatstroke.

oh welll~~ :)

hope i will be able to cope.

2009-08-16T19:50:00.002+08:00

pictures yesterday, at east coast park.

credits to mabel's facebook?

ummz..

TODAY!

slept at 2am yesterday. woke up at 7am. showered, changed, left house at 8am.
arrived at yewtee csc, took the van there. reached at 9am.
first game started at 930am.

and one carnival-style match is 10-10!
which means that one quarter 10mins, substitution in between, no breaks, and than play for another one quarter of 10 mins.

played WA for the first quarter, and than changed with yongjia, played C.

NOW I HAVE SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT!!
action liao, action liao!!
IM SERIOUS!!!

i dont know how to put it into words, but I shall put it the way della does!

today i "PASSED A SHOT." HAHA!

DONT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS? I DREW A DIAGRAM ALREADY. STEADY.

okay, from this diagram, as you can see. i was at my attacking goal third. throwing a lob to my goalshooters (GS) and goalattacker (GA).

but unfortunately i was cockeyed and i didnt see that they were being blocked by the 2 defenders. i randomly threw the lob in between because i got lost in the shooter's rotation.

the moment i saw my pass went haywire, i immediately went "shit." cos i knew the ball would land in the opponent's hands. i was tired and panting, and than when i looked up, i saw the ball went through the net.

YES I KNOW IM SO EGOISTICAL BUT BEAR WITH ME FOR A WHILE MORE!! :D

and it was a SILENT ok. CHOP!

yongjia kept laughing after that. HAHA. than i smiled like crazy after that match.
IM SO PROUD OK.

so tycoshxt!

but guess what?
the score not counted :(
cos the shot must be made IN THE CIRCLE.

but it was soo funny to see all the opponents like just staring after what happened. so the shooters retrieved the ball and we scored. HAHA!

okay that was my 30 seconds or something of being haolian. thanks.
:)

played second match, i think i played WA for 2nd quarter.
and than last match, won also.

havent had a taste of victory since so long.
we were in for the semi finals.

but we lost to the punggol central.
i broke down after the match. tried to hide away.

played for 3rd and 4th placing,
got 3rd. medals, photos, etc.

KFC lunch with them.
damn hungry. haha. everyone ordered great portions.

than took bus 16 to dhoby ghuat. everyone chionged for the bus.
wahlao, eat so full than run. everyone damn tired. haha.

priceless expressions!!

than took bus 190 from dhoby ghaut.
kept hitting my head. cos the bus kept jerking back, terrible experience while sleeping.

went to lot one with tracy,
borrowed bks. went home.

okay thats all.

(p/s; totally not abandoning this blog.
this blog owns straightbackward.blogspot.com.
thanks to you readers. HAHA! :)

2009-08-15T00:50:00.002+08:00

been so long since im smiling like a donkey behind the computer screen.
hahahahaha. :)

life turning points.
may things go for the better.
and hopefully the right decision making.

bye:)

(p/s: tags are AWESOME. :D)

If tomorrow never comes lyrics

2009-08-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

life may be hard, but..

2009-08-11T18:20:00.004+08:00

LIFE IS HARD.
when you're the loner in your class.

when you're that extra number #41 in your class, and you don't have any partner to sit with.

when all you have for accompaniment is your textbook.

when you're only using that as a distraction to show that "i don't care that i'm alone." which you know deep down it hurts like hell.

when you are not in the wrong, yet someone makes you feel as if you are the one in the wrong.

when that someone persuades everyone else that it was you who did the bad stuff- and exposes all your deepest darkest secrets.

when that someone purposely flaunts that she has your friends and she is a much "better without you" person.

when everyone is sitting down in pairs, you're that only extra that everyone avoids sitting with you. hence you had to move to the back.

when you are the one that everyone fears being with because you are alone.

when everyone uses the authority to badmouth you because you are officially powerless without anyone.

when your own "girlfriends" abandon you because you are not popular now.

when your friends needed you to be there. you were. but now when they dont need you or find you in a pathetic state, they really dont care about you. they pretend as if you're alone.

when one second you smile cos your happy but the next you're actually smiling for the sake of it.

dear readers, friends or people who are invited here.
so i hope you see how my life here is.
it sucks being me right?
like when one person backstabs you, its like suddenly the world turned its back on you.

everyone is making it sound as if im the one in the wrong,
and SHE is making up stories and lies to make others think as if im the one in the wrong.
friends are abandoning me because im in a pathetic state now.
but i just have something to say.

LIFE MAY BE HARD. BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP.

2009-08-10T11:08:00.002+08:00

slept at 1am yesterday,
did abit of science.
sigh. transmission of heat is such a long long.. lunzhun topic. :(
facebooked awhile after that,

chatting with jiarui, liting and playing wordchallange. :)
syahmi beaten my score!! tshhh.
but won him back. HAHA. sudden addiction back to word challange.

after that tired already,
went to sleep.
woke up at 8am, moved over to own house.
immediately went back to sleep. cannot tahan. hahaaa.
woke up at 11am.
was suppose to go basketball at 9am with them,
but felt like staying in today.
anyway, im going to meet pravin, mabel, bryan, becky, bernard later for lunch/studying.

after yesterday, i dont think i can study indoors. i think i tend to get distracted when im alone.
sheeessh maybe im just making excuses. haha.
well, i hope studying goes well with them.
if not im going to be home guilty again. ahhhhh.
oh, and fat. guilty and fat.
HAHA.
:)

hope to ace tomorrow's test.
and im not even done with my chinese homework.
i hate chinese.
ugh.
stupid words.

shall study history and science later.
BYE!
:)

i cant turn to him anymore.
thats why the act of letting go begins.

please don't get mad at me, i just dont want to trust the wrong person again.

2009-08-09T22:00:00.002+08:00

hellooooo.

today was sucha long day.

met xinyi in the afternoon, macs for lunch. NEEDS TO GO ON DIET!!
but as shini says, food = energy = muscles.
HAHA. :D
anyway, xinyi came to my house after that.
helped her with her home econs, until very chigek.
(please refer to my facebook status. tyvm.)

laughed, joked like we used to. :)
than send her to the basketball's bus stop there.
we sang~~ laughed ~~ keesiaoed.
her bus came, bade farewell.

after that i went to play basketball!
i guess it just gives you that powerful amazing feeling as you grasp hold of that game ball.
like, the world's under your hands. haha.
so exaggerated right!!
but it really is quite amazing ok.
espescially when you're with your close mates.

played 4v4.
yongyong, me, edwin, mervin.
vs
faye, kaijun, yuanli, yellowguyidontknow.

WON! teehee.
and we thought we would've gotten trashed.

than played 2v2.
kaijun yuanli,
vs
me faye.
lost~ why? everyone too distracted on stepping on each other's foot.
super fun!! :)

than played 4v4 again.
xavier, edwin, mervin, faye.
vs.
yuanli, kaijun, me, desmond.
hahaa. won!
eh eh. scored last ball ok.
HAHA. :D
i scored it for singapore.
yay. laolao 44 years old already.
jiayou, gonna hit retirement age.

im so lame right? tshhk.

continued shooting hoops with xavier and mervyn.
than faye walked me home.
talked to her, really deep talk.

it feels so amazing that you can still count on primary school friends.
and that you havent lost that 'touch' since then.
sat with her at my house's below there.
chatted, talked until 9pm.
really thanks for listening out.
im so glad that i still have them.

as sucky as secondary school life can be,
you know when you look back,
you see those people who are still there cheering for you.
like, those precious pieces thats left of you.
those childhood memories that were oh-so innocent.
it just feels awesome.

okay. im pretty much done here.
have to study tomorrow.
science common test, prepare! :P
+ history too. teehee.

okay, bye and goodnight all. :):)

i guess this turning point's finally for real.
i cant promise that i wont be sad lah.
because like that i have to lie.
but than its better to be more of an optimist.

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE.
ok that sounds weird. HAHA.
its like your own birthday you call it national.
im so totally out of point?
psshyyeahh.

BYE!! :)

though it took me quite a while to forget you,
but at least i've stop thinking about you so much.
thanks for the memories. :)

2009-08-09T10:50:00.002+08:00

bored at home.
parents left for m'sia.

i wanna go out.
tsh.

anyone wants to hangout/play netball/basketball?
text me while im still alive. :)

giving your best is all that matters.

2009-08-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

im feeling quite sleepy but at the same time, satisfied (:

it really feels great to start anew. well, i feel like i am, anyway.
hopefully my actions will start to speak for themselves, too.
did science homework in the morn, used the comp.
same old, same old.

afternoon, headed down to the basketball court.
saw faye, mervyn, kaijun, yuanli, tinghao, fajarguyidontknow, shabeel, edwin, desmond, yongyong. it feels amazing to be back.
even if its not the same familiar faces, but getting to know more new people is really quite cool too. tsktsk.

1v1 against kaijun. haha. keep crapping with him.
best guy friend. i really missed him so much.
last night, was messaging him till late at night.
he so damn ka-yu ok.
me: "you dont like any girls in your sch?"
him: "all ugly de."
me: "wah. why you also count on looks de?"
him: "i want super ugly de."
hahaaa. the conversation was somewhat like that.
lamer right?
hahahahah. thats why we're best friends.

ofc he trashed me during basketball. haha.
but we had fun, thats all that really matters.

than after that, tinghao guyfromfajar kaijun yuanli played against another team.
3 china basketballers and 1 local. all above 25 i presume.
they played for quite awhile, but we lost i think.

after that, next team.
shabeel, mervyn, guyidontknow, edwin played against the winning team.
they lost too, 11-4.

third match,
shabeel, mervyn, faye, me, edwin, yongyong.
versus 3 china basketballers, 1 local plus the guyidontknow.
trashed em! 11-1.
tsktsk :) love basketball :)

than yongyong suddenly lost his psp's memory card.
shabeel and mervyn were like, investigating?
than shabeel bought a knife along. (yes im serious!)
and than he like, pointed the knife at jovan(primary4-5 i think.)
jovan called his brother.
i think they still solving the case. though i dont know what the outcome is :/

anyway, edwin walked me home.
talked to him along the way.
thanks. i hope what i told you helped too.
reached home at 9.30pm.
scolding of course,
but got over it :P

so that pretty much ends my day now.
just webcammed with bernard and clinton.
crazy people. tsktsk!
BYE! :)

(p/s: dont ever give up. promise me that, alright? :) )

been searching but i just dont see the signs, until today.

2009-08-07T17:25:00.007+08:00

bernard was right.

i shouldnt have panicked or undergo depression from the start of this incident.

i did nothing wrong. :)
conscience should not be getting to me, it should be getting to her.

so yeah. its the start of saying goodbye to yet another friend.
i thank you for the memories though.
they were bittersweet.
yes. no other word would have fitted perfectly.

i dont know what's going to happen between me and her from now on.
what the ending will be like, how we will move on as individuals.
but nevertheless,
i really, wish you all the best.

its no point in ranting or bitching anymore.
because ultimately there is really no point in all talk no action.
whatever it is, i've learnt from such experiences.
its all part of growing up.

im willing to let go of what i had.
start from the scratch again. maybe, just maybe.
stop stressing on the past. learn to make the changes. here and now.

its not too late yet.
i hope not.

this few months, i've learnt alot.
i guess january - june wasnt much of a biggy.
all part of growing up.
thats what you get when you have a deeper insight of reality.

sometimes i wish i didnt know so much about the dangers of the world.

sometimes i wish i was still that p3 girl, in her plain old Unity Pri sch's teeshirt playing netball, doing what she loves best. hanging out with friends in basketball and everything. everything was so innocent.

no one cared about gangs. no one had to care about fights, no one had to care if A gets into B's taiji. no one really cared about all those. no one cared if we were laughing and joking with people NOT of the same gender. no one knew what flirting was then. no one knew how important PSLE was. no one cared if one girl was better looking than the other. no one cared if one guy was the most handsome than everyone else. no one cared if your hokkien vocabulary is better than everyone else. no one cared if you had more money than another. no one cared if you had more materials than another. no one knew what a real vulgar word was. no one knew the real cruelty of the world then.

we all just laugh, play, smile, sing, dance and enjoy like real small kids just wanting to have fun.

we loved each other all the same, apart of our many differences that we had.

i play netball and all i have in my mind is the game, my teammates, and my passion. now when i play netball i face the fear of getting my own status ripped off. it was like that. but when you find that you dont have that power to do a thing about it.

really, it was like that.

but this quote that sharon told me.. about a years ago.

"but when you grow up and think again, its juat another piece of memory you had. bad or good, they'll still become the past."

thanks.

so, i guess im going to have to start things again.
not exactly to be happy 24/7.
i just want to live my life to the fullest.
yeah.

sometimes i feel that im too complacent,
sometimes i feel that im too arrogant about certain things.
but i will learn.
learn from mistakes that i've made in the past and start believing in starting anew.

if its not worth getting angry for/at, than i shouldnt.
life is short.
it really is.

well. i guess im done here.
i hope my own reflection would have inspired some of you readers out there.
yeah. so here's a turning point.

(: jasmine.

(p/s; dear readers, friends or everyone who's reading this now-
dont ever lose hope. dont ever lose faith.
keep holding on.
and dont ever, ever give up. )

EDIT; 9.56PM.

certain decisions making again. because this post is just too too emotional.

1) i will make bryan lee pay for what he has done.
2) im not going to turn to that guy anymore. because if i do, i cant forget him.
well its not like i can forget him now that easily.
3) today i met my childhood crush... which i had throughout my whole pri sch life.
well. i saw him, he didnt saw me anyway. but anyway,
it's been a long 8 years since we first met.

the feeling's mutual.

2009-08-06T23:40:00.002+08:00

decision making.

1) GIVE IN SO THINGS WILL GET BETTER or STAY STRONG BUT LOSE PRIDE&DIGNITY?
staying strong. i did no wrong.

2) SHOOTER or MIDFIELD?
forever staying truthful to midfield. but will work hard as a shooter so as to serve as a motivation.

3) PRI. SCH FRIENDS or SECONDARY SCH FRIENDS?
primary school friends. now and forever.
but i met some awesome people from regent.

4) TO GO MEET _ or NOT TO MEET _?
shall think about this later. but for now, i dont think i will. no interest.

5) JUST GOING TO EMO WHATEVER LIFE GIVES ME TOMORROW or START MAKING DECISIONS AND RESPONSIBLITIES, AND ACT FOR MYSELF.

start making decisions and responsiblities, and act for myself.

6) TO FORGET HIM or TO HOLD ON TO HIM?
forget. i must. i have to.

7) STRIVE HARD or SLACK?
striving hard, no matter how tempting it is to slack.

8) ENJOY TOMORROW or SULK?
enjoy. each moment like the last.

9) SMILE or EMO?
smile. smile. smile.
though it wont be easy.

10) LEARN TO LET GO. LEARN TO LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST. LEARN TO START ACTING FOR MYSELF.
there are no decision makings for this question.
just principles.

yeah.
i dont care who's turning up for UPS tmr.
i just want to get away from hell.

2009-08-06T21:59:00.002+08:00

jasmine says:
hey(:

Bryanlee says:
(:

jasmine says:
how are you? haha

Bryanlee says:
has nth

Bryanlee says:
gtg alr . bb

-

how could i've been so stupid?

2009-08-06T20:30:00.001+08:00

KEEP ON KEEPING ON.thats all i need now.

i cant make it go away.

2009-08-05T22:38:00.003+08:00

happy bday shini! :)

thinking of doing cutting out a few people to this blog.
i dont know why. and the number of people i've invited is already less than... 10?
hmmm.

i know i should be studying for the science and maths test tomorrow.
but im feeling really lousy right now.
maybe it was because im tired of training? maybe cos of school?
i dont know.

shall start from the scratch.

morning:
she came to school. ms loh gave her speech. and i wish u all the best.
music- was with JW the whole time.
maths- similarities. never listened throughout mdm soh lesson. but im going for remedial. then i just rmb, i had training.
recess- with JW.
maths (again) - yes. again, maths. never listened in class, test tomorrow.
history- test tomorrow, but postponed to next tuesday. thank gosh.
art- was with JW. drawing fruits. weird shapes and sizes.
class CT- talked about class stuff? idk.

after sch, JW went for detention. i went for the CIP prsentation with zaheera.
bryan sirius didnt turn up. well. expected.
talked about the presentation, and i had to edit the slides and everything. AGAIN.
mr im not very satisfied with a few parts. so yeah.

after that, rushed down immediately. 2.45pm starting run and i was already late.
i like swallowed chicken for lunch?
eww. i know. but when you have like less than 30 seconds to eat lunch thats all you get.
like 1 min later had to start run.
so really chionged.

today warmup.. at least my leg wasnt hurting.
good!:)
than when doing stretching, didnt felt well.
shall never swallow food that fast again.

ball drills, ball handling.
do until pekchek for a while.
thank gosh ms toh came in. :)

after that court, than courtwork!!

FINALLY!!! (:

and, and and and and and and.

I PLAYED GA TODAY!!!
shooooooooooooooooter! wooshwoooshwoosh.

it feels amazing!!!
LIKE, stepping out of comfort zone for once. (mid field) and than finally getting the chance to be in the circle. (not centre circle ofc!)

aiya, midfield shooter defender, still
LOVES NETBALL!! :):)

yeah but i think i still suck as a GA :)
teeheeeeeheee.
but im lovin it!!

(p/s: SHINI! you (ALSO) can do it!! woooosh jiayou birthday girl!)

but i know something isnt right.
i seek the acceptance of my teammates for this.

erm. well, okay after training,
xchanged notes with melissa.
than bus to yewtee.
pei emily to buy her dinner :)
than walked home. talked to xinyi on the way.

reached home around 8pm.
dinner.
edited the powerpoint slides.
yeah, and now its near to 11pm.

sigh. tired.
but i cant blame anyone for this.
i mean, i asked for it yeah.
but since i've already chosen this,
i shant give up;) i shant regret.

my grandmother wants to come back from woodbridge.
but why is it that all her children are unwilling to take her back?
why is it that all of them are so reluctant to take care of her?
whenever i ask my mom about this,
she says. "aiya dont know lah."
and than walks off.
maybe its best if i didnt know.

im officially dead tired.
i cant believe how my week will go if i had KNC trainings and yew tee csc trainings.
well..
shall stop here.

bye.

our own piece of tranquil.
if i could.. i would have taken back my words.
i might have actually agreed.
yeah but i lost my chance.
but even if i did say yes..
you cant promise forever.
you cant.
maybe we should stop lying to ourselves.
maybe you've moved on already.
maybe, just maybe.
i cant just get myself to forget you that easily.
you made such a deep impression on me and now you're just walking away like nothing ever happened.
i keep seeing him.
its so scary, but i keep replaying what he says over and over again.

i need you now.

2009-08-04T19:24:00.003+08:00

she didnt came sch today.
more or less expected.. once again.
was with Z and LT the whole morn.

english- 1st period.
vice principal came in.
mr greg picked out a pile of papers which were more of the well written ones.
please call me an EGO freak, because i was looking forward to be one of them.
or at least, i was expecting that.

so the 1st paper, was by cammie.
really well written.
but i guess the contents? yeah.
10 mins break after every lesson = stay back very nong.

2nd paper, was by vanessa.
regarding the installation of lockers.
they're actually considering it.

as the vice principal when on and on about the idea of installing lockers,
it was going to reach 930am,
i turned behind and mr greg was way behind.
i took a peek at the paper he was holding.

from far, i could tell it was mine.
typed out, white paper.
for a moment i think my heart stopped.
excited? elated? enthralled? shocked?
i dunno.

than mr greg said,
"alright class. thats all the time we have today."
stood up, thank ms yeo and mr greg.
and than walked out of the room.

WOW i felt dejected.
i dont know, really was looking forward to it.
im not desperate for the idea to be heard,
i just put in quite alot of effort for that formal letter.

yeah..
but on the brighter side (or not), it might not even be my paper!
oh well.

but i guess i kind of got over it.
im too arrogant. yup.

lessons later.
felt very restless.

got very angry during history.
like very bu shuang.
why?
cos R told me something that T2 said.
immediately wah mood change.

yeah but after a while i think its not worth getting angry over things that are not worth it.
wow long line but you get the point.

assembly later.
harp playing woman.
idk.

mr im talked to me after sch.
very...... shocked!??!
cos me, zaheera sirius bryan will be presenting for our class CIP's proj..
YAH LAH, THE BOTTLES ONE.
hahaha.

and its NEXT WEEK!!
and now im left with a few hours to edit it.
get it done and everything.
speech and everything.
and my fear of speaking in front of a big ass audience.

please dont tell me to imagine the audience in underwear or some funny shorts.
that doesnt help.
SERIOUSLY!!
only makes me want to puke even more. :/

tomorrow = TRAINING + REHEARSAL FOR PRESENTATION~~
tomorrow tomorrow = FRIENDLY MATCH (YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!) + REHEARSAL FOR PRESENTATION~~
tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow = YEW TEE CSC TRAINING~~
tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow = PARENTS LEAVING FOR GENTING. (yes can stay up late weeheeee!!)
tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow = MUGGING FOR COMMON TEST.
tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow = ACTUAL PRESENTATION DATE!
tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow = SCIENCE COMMON TEST.

totally looking forward to my tomorrows.
:)

ANYWAY!

AFTER SCHOOL TODAY.

WENT TO RUN WITH MY METAL KOR!!

haha, we damn fast arrange de k.
reached home, suddenly handphone ring.

than 5 mins later we decided to meet at yew tee, 430pm.
he keep asking me what shorts to wear.
damn stupid. hahahha.

met him at yew tee, at first i didnt know it was him.
cause his damn tall de ok!
and not wearing shoes some more.
and his more tanner than me!!

life's so unfair.
im so short compared to him ):
if you gonna say i ben lai jiu short,
screw you!!

walked to CCK stadium with metal,
RAN 2.4KM!
i feel so less guilty now. hahahahhha.
not innocent but less guilty ok.

stupid metal, machiam run until nobody's business!!
damn fast. legs really metal one.

after that ran another 1.2km for myself,
than accompained metal to the CCK badminton court.
reminiscing old times? haha.

saw some coaches, students playing badminton.
stupid metal keep comparing.
ahahhahah.

took bus with him, than walked him home.
after that went home.

yeah that was pretty much my day.
:)

thanks metal for pei-ing me to run!!
(p/s: i know you're multi-sports talented but really find balance. yeah;) )

OH. AND WE KEPT MAKING THAT "TSK" SOUND ALL THE WAY HOME.
see who can make louder.
fun!!

okay i should end here.
i almost said i have work tomorrow.
HAHAHA.
im damn stupid.

ok seriously BYE!
:):)

its okay whether or not T2 and i are friends,
im still going to learn how to smile, live life and everything.
i can still be happy.
just a matter of the mind, whether i want to or not ;)

AWESOME FRIENDS ROCK, NO?

2009-08-03T16:36:00.005+08:00

im so.. angry right now.
not just that.
disappointed. hurt. i dont know.

hates this feeling.

but shall go on about sch first.

-

sch:
assembly's back.. damn.
day started off bad.
why? cos today's the history deadline.
Z, R and T2 brought their boards along.
than LT told us she lost all the infomation + forgot to bring the board.
was angry,
but than heard that she apologized.
and that they were going to work on it after sch again.

literature next- test tomorrow.

maths- comp lab. kept discussing formulas with farzana. now i know. hmm.

recess- had to go to needlework room for detention. thanks to the 9 ppl who stayed back in class.

english- ms lo coming tomorrow to our class, to discuss about the persuasive letters that we
wrote to her. bernard was a bastard, "is she going to give her speech?"
(p/s: so is she?!!??!!!?)

d&t- continued on camtoy.

after school's when the real drama starts.

me & LT were supposed to find ms tay,
whereas T2 and zaheera were going to finish up on the history boards in class.
after that, me & LT than went to music room to find ms tay. in the midst of the conversation,
T2 suddenly messaged twice.

1st msg: "we really need help with the help. can you come up as soon as possible?"
2nd msg: "nvm, raihanah helping us le."

after lesson with ms tay, me and LT were happily discussing bout it. than took the bus. few minutes after we boarded, T2 called me.

T2: "where are you?"
Me: "me and LT at the bus le."
T2: "we cannot finish the board, we need help."
Me: "why? i thought you all just taking out some info?"
T2: "yah. but we need redo!"
Me: "huh? i thought the board that you did only use tape, than you say can easily take out?"
T2: "yah, but too much info than we need to redo everything. than we need help."
T2: "aiya. suan le lah. forget it."

*hangs up*

so i told LT about it. we were both thinking about going back.
i msged T2 telling here that i was going back. no reply.
but LT had to go back before 4. so she dropped off at yew tee and i dropped off at sch.
wanted to go in, security was like, "you cant go in. blahblahblah h1n1 blahblah."
i called tingting. than zaheera picked up.

Me: "zaheera, sch doesnt let me go in. you guys can come out finish the proj.? "
Z: "oh yah. can you wait 15 mins?"
Me: "huh? wait 15 mins for?"
Z: "wait, you talk to T2"

after that T2 was on the line.

Me: "eh. tingting, you said guys need help, i alr outside sch. but i cant go in."
T2: "than you wait outside. we finishing soon."
Me: "huh? like that i might as well go home? i took the bus back here cos i thought you needed help with the history proj."
T2: "i already told you forget it le right? aiya nevermind.
suan le. forget it."

i hung up.

its very easy for you to say forget it.
its very easy for you to just say, "suan le. nevermind."
you make it sound as if im not even interested in this project at all.
if i wasnt interested would i have stayed up late just editing that damn 57 pages regarding the development of singapore?!?

im NOT a pushover.
im not going to say things like, "oh. nevermind. i'll just forget it and put it behind. lalala."
im not going to pretend that nothing happened.
because what difference is it than running away from problems?

its very easy for you to brush things aside and say things like
"aiyah, suan le, forget it, nevermind."
have you actually felt what it feels like?

maybe i should stop expecting apologies when in situations like this.
especially from you.

things like that just happen. come and go.
why is it that in most occasions,
you make me feel as if im in the wrong?
why is it that only during the last minute,
i apologize to you just so to save this friendship?
worth it anot?
really.. time and time i've been asking myself.
is it really worth it?

the moment i pick up the phone,
you start shouting over the phone and everything.
"suan le, forget it, nvermind."
are these 3 words suppose to clear up everything?

im really so SIAN of fighting with you over and over again.
really.
im already very sick and tired of all those fights we have here and there.

im not just referring to 1 person alone.
almost all my 'close' "GIRL" friends that i have, just the exception of netballers.

whats all this bitch fight about?
whats it all about being so petty and angry at each other?
what is it about picking other flaws that makes one feel so superior?!

WHAT IS IT?

because the cycle always goes like this.

girl A gets angry with girl B. >
girl A bitches about girl B, vice versa. >
few days later,
girl A and B patched back as friends.

UGH.
why are female minds like that?!??
why are females so sensitive to words and all other small actions.
why are we so picky, choosy and really, we just want to bitch about certain things sometimes.
(P/S: YES IM LIKE THAT.)

well. im not insulting all the females in this world just cos im not much of a feminist.
but hey im speaking from a guy perspective.
if you're a guy,
shut up. dont think i dont know what was going through your mind. tsk.

well, right now.
only time will tell.

time heal all wounds.
but will one be able to withstand that long?

this is a very contradicting drama post.
well, lets just wait and see what happens next.

(i know what you're thinking, sooner or later one of my posts are gonna be "i patched back with T2")

well lets just watch.

BYE.

(EDIT/)

its less than 3 hours since the incident.
she privated her blog.

more or less expected.

let the real drama begin.

i would love to pick and contradict her every single line now,
but believe me.
i dont wish to.

2009-08-02T22:32:00.002+08:00

day passed really fast today..
or maybe life's just moving waaayy too fast for me to handle.

met t2 in the morn, took thumbdrive.
worked on cip proj again.
afternoon- left home, went to cousin's hse at yishun.
parents played mahjong there (really is that so fun?!?)
did my chinese compo there- killer.
went out with janice and her brother to yishun mart.
came back, dinner at her house.
listened to music as parents chatting away.
reached home at 9pm.

im going to be haolian here but i really proud i finished my chinese compo!! :D
IT IS 5 PAGES LONG!!
i used 3 papers and 5 pages!!
i dont know how to explain lah.
but yay go figure!!
it took me a whole day to complete it.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
but thank goodness im done with it.
AND JIARUI, I KNOW HOW TO WRITE/TYPE CHINESE OK!!

~~

was so happy after finishing that compo,
than found out that there's literature test on frankenstein, and also history hmwk.
and tomorrow have to finish up the history proj!!
++ classmates who send in their late reports for CIP proj!!
pekchek!!

siannnnnnn!!
but thank goodness that there's no netball tmr. and also no KNC netball trg this week!!
okay. bye!!

"humans tend to forget the single most important thing when making decisions- that is to.,.
follow your heart."
-G.

GOODNIGHT PEOPLE!:)

for the ultimate.

2009-08-01T21:20:00.003+08:00

"A weakling, but stronger with his words."
thanks G. :)

training canceled today.
thank goodness..
errr.. i couldnt wake up anyway.

been working on the CIP powerpoint the whole afternoon.
hope it was worth it.
after that, received a msg that i had to do the History powerpoint too.
really sian dao.

both presentation consist of 2 teams of 4.
end up? only 2 people did.
and its the same 2 people for both teams.
thank you zaheera for being there:)
i dont think i would have made it through alone.
have to pass up both history and CIP presentation by monday.

okay.. bye!!
homework. homework. homework.

如果你不爱一个人，
请放手。
好让别人有机会爱她，
如果你爱的人放弃了你，
请放开自己，
好让自己爱别人。
有的东西你在喜欢也不回于你的。
有的东西你再流，也一定要放弃。
人生中有许多种爱，
但别让爱成为一中伤害。

2009-07-31T23:33:00.002+08:00

during school, MT lesson:

SHI LAO SHI + WU LAO SHI.

so we had to do finish all our WS corrections, files and WKbook. killer. but managed to do so. kept having to go up to teachers to re-mark my corrections over again because my corrections had correction :(

than after all my work done, cher gave me permission to leave.
packed my stuff, wanted to go to my table to grab my science book and than was about to leave.

shilaoshi: WULITING! (thats my chinese name. SSSH!)
你给我站住！你是这样走的吗？
me: HUH! 老师，than你要我怎样走？！

than wulaoshi and everyone else started to laugh.
cos i was suppose to thank the teacher and than leave mah.
'basic courtesy.'
but i was only going to get my book!! not leaving yet!!

okay so that was my 10 seconds of really being punk'd.

anyway, went home, faster changed and set off again.
met the peeps at CCK platform, 3pm.
took train to westmall.

bought tickets, swensens for lunch, watched ice age 3.

arcade- played JURASSIC PARK with pravin!
damn funny!! we kept shouting and screaming.
he was like, 'OMG DINOSAUR!!'

hahahah.

neoprints after that.
than took a train to yew tee.

walked to basketball court, old court there.
saw faye, than went to new court.
met up with kaijun, yuxuan, yuanli and umm, a new friend.
tinghao.

played 2v3 with them. funny!! haha.

but at the same time feeling guilty cos i lied to mom.
not the first time already.
told my mom the movie ended at 730, when it actually ended at 6pm.
left the court at 850.

tinghao, yuxuan and kaijun walked me home.
wahh.. so far all they ever talk about is..
rape.
im not going any deeper into this subj!!
but they are damn stupid. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
say in front of me some more.
wahlao.

reached home at 9+, dinner.
did 1/2 of my history eblaze.
really cannot tahan.
wanted to sleep le.

shall continue tomorrow.
eyes shutting soon.

OH WAIT.

and i watched sports @ sg today, channel 5 10pm.
super hyper when i saw daliah, and ms neo on tv!!
AIYA, WHEN I SAW THE SPEED NAME.
kept jumping on the sofa!!
5 mins of craziness pointing at the TV screen.

okay.

speaking of netball.
I HAVE TRAINING TOMORROW @ 9AM.

jialat. i dont think i can wake up!!

sigh.

needs to find back balance in life.
needs to put netball and basketball aside for a while.
and think about studies.

someone asked me this, a few years back.
whats the point of putting in so much effort into the sport when it really cant get your future anywhere?

not giving up. nope.
not now, not yet.

i cant hold on to him forever.

cant keep staring at the basketball court forever.

2009-07-30T18:50:00.001+08:00

(courage is not the opposite of fear. it is going on despite fear.)

2009-07-29T19:59:00.002+08:00

its no point waiting for something thats never going to happened.
just move on and live life.

okay. i will not do what i did yesterday.
CRTL +A is a very, very powerful tool.
BACKSPACE IS EVEN MORE POWERFUL OKAY!!

er, okay, moving on.

today in school:
music- was damn hyper. watched NDP music videos :)
maths it- did quiz in IT lab. damn stupid, coz got another person that already did half of it. so i just continued from there. haha. and im quite satisfied with my maths results!!i didnt fail the surface area test!! and also my algebra ws. haha. happy!! though i still suck as compared to others. :)
english- ms tan mr greg didnt came? class was in chaos for one whole period.
recess- went to the booth again. play water gun. hahah im so adult-ish.
maths- mdm soh and her exit cards. was using my hp the whole time. nearly teared in class when i saw his messages. stupid.
art- double free periods. arm-wrestled with bernard, pranav, etc. laughlaugh, did history. laugh somemore.
classct- talked to mr im about the CIP proj. talked with bernard pravin liting raih about friday's outing.

after school, went to help out with the booths again.
bloody hell!!
PE tshirt and fbt both wet.

stupid pravin. kept targetting me.
wahlao.
made me like one crazy person running around in the canteen/parade square.
and screaming also.

than jielin really add on to the fire... or water.
she poured her whole water bottle at me.
JIELIN I SHALL REVEAL ALL YOUR EVIL DOINGS HERE.
muwahahah.

got revenge on jielin,
than jielin got revenge on pravin,
pravin got revenge back on jielin.

damn funny. haha!

kk, after getting super wet, still have to go training ofc.
ran 5 rounds outside, my left ankle killed me.
ball passes..drills... for like an hour?!
err..yah. tiring.
every pass = run to gate.

painful.
than did sprints and runs again.
than debrief. after debrief,
stayed and told coach about the netball camp.

than keep teasing her and her PINK shirt.
hahahah COACH WORE PINK SHIRT TODAY!
than say until she use my own towel whack me on the floor.
sigh. people with pink shirts.
(hahahahhahahahhah)

after training, changed and olivia's mom send me to bball court there.
walked in, didnt see anyone.
eee.. who ask metal and kj go off so fast.
cheat feelings one.
hahah. jkjk.

k pretty much nothing else after that.
& I KEEP BOASTING AROUND TO PEOPLE THAT I HAVE NO SCHOOL TOMORROW BECAUSE OF E-LEARNING!

HAHAHA.
but no lah, actually still must go sch. to find ms tay.

but STILL.
hhahaha.

okay i shall end here.
bye!

(CHANTS TO SELF : do not press crtl A + backspace. )

you lied. thats the main point.
you lied. you cheated. you backstabbed.

(p/s: its been like, idontknow 2-3 months since i've talked to joseph?
but hey. still living here. :)
and its been like 1-2 months since i've talked to leonard?
i'll live. yeah.

2009-07-28T18:44:00.002+08:00

OMG.

I TYPE SO MUCH THAN I PRESS CTRL A + BACKSPACE.

WAHLAO. SO MUCH FOR NEW BEGINNINGS!!

damn angry.
i typed alot already!!
than i faster went to edit posts to check if the post still there.

wah heartbreak already.

omg k im damn chigek now.

2009-07-26T21:41:00.003+08:00

new skin = new changes.

hopefully...

16TH MAY WAS A MISTAKE.

2009-07-26T17:22:00.000+08:00

contradiction is just so awesome.
no?

2009-07-25T21:18:00.004+08:00

we lost all of the matches for pesta sukan.

i dont want to talk now.

2009-07-25T10:48:00.002+08:00

i'll be umpiring in..exactly 3 hours time.
yeah somewhere around there.
meeting qiuying at 12pm, JE.

i think i lost my umpiring rulebook.
....

i predict im going to get more tanned later.

and ms neo just called me, than she swapped the timeslots with me.
so i only get to miss 1 game! and i can collect my pay from her later.

guess how pathetic i felt?
(myteammate) who's same age as me, same club as me, same time taking up the level 1 umpiring course, same primary school netball team, same yew tee csc club, same year starting netball together..

her pay was, $102.50.

my pay? $20.

im not desperate for the money here.
but i just find myself pathetic.

i can't say no to umpiring now,
after taking that level 1 course.
well i thought i would be psyched but 'noooooo....'
either its me being too bitchy,
or i just cant stand the fact people despise me due to my age.

i shall extract this piece of article from one of my umpiring coach's blog.

Umpire coaching was ok. Couldn't really help to look at all 3 courts at one time. And most of them are not so experienced too. Haiz... And I've been hearing comments from coaches about umpiring recently. The usuals! Comments from coaches are never good. As an umpire coach now, I feel that it's part of my responsibility when umpires are not umpiring to standard. But what to do?

wow im feeling more pathetic than ever.

(myteammate) definately has much more experience than me.
and the fact that she looks more experience too.

me?

people sigh and than think,
'oh wow hey we've got a shitty umpire for our game. bear with it.'

if i were a player and i had myself as an umpire,
i would think so too.

wow way to go to make me feel more pathetic.

this is a self-demoralizing post.

i shall go get changed and get ready for my umpiring.

but thank goodness that i'll be playing with speed later.

pestasukan pestasukan pestasukan.

sigh.

2009-07-24T22:07:00.001+08:00

2009-07-24T17:07:00.002+08:00

before i left for KNC training yesterday,
i met this adult at the lift.
i think he was an indian businessman.
anyway, my encounter with him sort of helped in my training ytd.

well i know mom always tells me not to talk to strangers but errr... well.

him: "going sch?"
me: "er.. no.. training."
him: "oh wow, at this time? what training?"
me: "um.. netball.. at kallang."
him: "wow! and how old are you?"
me: "err.. sec 2."
him: "wah.. super kiasu ah you."

lol. i dont know but that was that few seconds conversation that i had.
it seems to inspire me alot after that.

:)

met twins, drove down to KNC.
training today felt..
hmm..
i think im satisfied with my today's gameplay.
well thats a first ;)

but you know after all that hard work, drives, sweat and determination,
sometimes what makes it worth it.. it's just that one line.
that one line that comes out from coach.. dalia..ms neo..may..ms lim.. or even your own teammates.
good one. nice try. good try. well done. its okay.
sometimes thats just all we need to get us through the day.
one single compliment can mean so much.
&its not an exaggeration.

cant wait for pesta sukan on saturday.

but than i will be umpiring for st hilda's 2 matches :/
and for both that 2 matches timeslot, speed will be playing against under 19 and under 19 postschool!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i wanted to play against them!!

well.. anyway shall move on to today..

i was reading the netball singapore magazine and than i suddenly saw MANY familiar faces!! :P
shini's face appeared thrice!! qiuying and della's about twice :P
from the M1 challange.

oh yeah, i saw "regent sec" there too.
as in, the name only..3rd.
bukit view got 2nd in the whole m1 challange.
i cant believe it.
and we actually won bukit view.
but hey its already over.
wow i have to stop talking to myself.
but dont you think its awesome?
yeah i think so too.

stayed back for the CIP proj. after school..
than went home.
took train to bukit panjang with t2.
ate at deli, than went home.

now currently stalking up time for tuition to start.
maybe going basketball later <3

oh yes and i saw that basketball guy during PE!!!!!
and ask anyone, i kept staring at him like i was crazy;)
head over heels.
haha.

im off for tuition.

bye.

i'll still play it, for the love of the game.
bottomline: im still not good enough.

2009-07-23T18:07:00.001+08:00

you are right.
its tiring keeping up with such a pace.
but i didn't say that i was going to give up..
at least not right now.

training later. tuition tomorrow. pesta sukan / umpiring on sat. mr im's outing on sund.

2009-07-23T15:37:00.002+08:00

i think im too high during lessons.
well, sometimes.
random:
im too lazy to off my phone during lesson.

quite satisfied with my sci result tday,
but not sure about the maths test.

meeting with my pri sch mates has been postponed?
well its as good as being canceled anyway.

went to find ms joy tay after school.
stupid haojie!
i do not have swine flu.
serious!
anyway, ms tay was sharing her personal experiences.
cool.

oh yea. during recess i kept staring at __.
bryan tan, randall, t2 and sirius were thinking that im crazy.
damn.
i've got to stop crushing on b.ballers.

oh and me and t2 were arguing whether tanned skin guys were better or fair skin guys.
tanned skin guys ftw!

darwin just msged me.
yeah, the guy who cursed my cat to die in a car crash.
(and that it really happened.)
but we kind of got over it already.

anyway, he msged me telling me that his dog passed away at his father's office area.
and he suspects that its been murdered.. or caught in an accident.
happened this morning.

at first i didnt know what was going through my mind.
karma?
what goes around comes around?

i dont know. but yeah i did talked to him and hopefully things get better for him too.

okay im off.
needs to write a letter to the principal.
and study on sci test tmr.

tuition tomorrow. hm.
maybe going out shopping with t.

KNC training later.

bye.

real?
or just another illusion?

2009-07-22T22:35:00.003+08:00

home > school > basketball court > home > imm > home.

meeting pri sch mates tomorrow for lunch.
hopefully i won't be late.
speed 7 training tomorrow.
maths test tomorrow.
...

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow.

ah.. damn i really want to talk to G.

...and i miss my grandmother.

-

2009-07-21T22:00:00.002+08:00

all of a sudden, i stopped.. to think of you.

it just happened.

2009-07-21T19:39:00.002+08:00

today was COOL! :)

super hyper in class.
i kept telling almost everyone my lame joke.
about the CASHEWW~~ thing.
HAHA!! :)
i.m.damn.lame!

OH YES!!
im quite happy today with the science test today!! :)
THANKS TO PRANAV if not i really would have screwed that paper.
:):)
also quite satisfied with the maths test today!

(omgee this is truly a miracle!!)

after school, walked to yewtee with ting,
then my mom sent me to lot one,
met up with METAL and HUANGGOU!!<3

hahaha, METAL!! you and your free electrons. :D
waited for xinyi and edwin,
went to makan, than smuggled bubbletea inside the theatres.
watched HARRY POTTER!!<3

:D:D:D
DANIEL RADCLIFFE!!
hahahaa. move over zac efron.
HIS BIRTHDAY IS 2 MORE DAYS AWAY!!! :):)

im a total harry potter geek!!
:):)

so funny watching with huanggou,
got one part suddenly a hand caught harry than..
huanggou jerked back (in a moment of shockness!!) and the whole chair was shaking!!
and he was shouting "ohmama!" in the process.

LOL! than metal impersonate him until we laughed like crazy.
:):)

overall i loved the movie,
loved the people who i went to watch with.

walked to xinyi's bus stop, took bus back with metal huanggou edwin.
dropped off at the same stop as metal and than repay him!!
pei him walk home.
hahha. than after that he say he thought he saw someone familiar.
end up is not.

funny bodoh!! ;P
tomorrow will be going old court!! :D|
than after that dinner at IMM!! :)

i am as happy as i want to be.

oh and last but not least,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD<3

I BOUGHT YOUR (SURPRISE) BIRTHDAY CAKE,
SO COME BACK HOME SOON AFTER BOWLING :P
and please don't be jealous that mom's bday cake was bigger..
you've to understand..its recession.

OH.. and i forgot how old you are this year.
guess how many candles i asked for?

5 big candles and 7 small..

I SWEAR I JUST BLURTED IT OUT ALRIGHT!!
IT WAS THE ONLY NUMBER I COULD THINK OFF FOR THE MOMENT!!

BUT I KNOW YOU'RE NOT 57!!
you're forever young at heart haha.
and however lame your jokes may be...
OH WAIT.
now i know why im lame.
its in the genetics huh :)

hahahah okay well i shant go on and on about writing a long long dedication to you coz' you and mom are NEVAR going to get this url or read my blog!! maybe till the day i die but nope not at the moment hhaha. :)

oh guess what i just found out bernard has a blog.
hahahhahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahhhaha
HA! :D

okay i shall go off noww!!

BYE!! :)

my day was awesome, i hope yours was just as awesome too! :)

2009-07-20T22:26:00.002+08:00

monday blues!!

but quite hyper today in class.
no idea why.
hmm.

training, okay okay lah.
standard already.

at night,
called pranav to ask for help on science (transmission of heat!!)
i owe him alot haha.
thanks for putting up with me throughout that whole educational 1h lesson (through your NEW handphone!!)
i think it was damn pekchek for him,
anyone who teaches me ofc will be damn pekchek one. :)
thats like some superhuman power! haha.

than at the same time metal kept calling me.
stupid!! why his name have to do with transmission of heat also.
than we were discussing on what movie to watch tmr.
i told him if we were to watched a horror movie,
and i were to sit beside him,
he will turn from metal to.... shattered pcs or broken parts of metal or glass or some funny funny material.
i hate horror movies coz they're horrific!!!
I WILL SCREAM. LIKE. A LADY.

kay i think today im having some sort of a sugar rush.
damn hyper.
haha.

BRING ON TMR'S SCI TEST :):)

ciaoooo!! <3

2009-07-20T00:09:00.005+08:00

its 12am in the night but im in distress.

i dont want to argue with you again.
because it always gets to nowhere.
im not really in the mood to fight with you now.
basically its all about your sec sch cliques right now.
everytime you say you want to hang out with your "old friends" because you cherish the moments we had together, blah.
but to me its like your sec sch friends appeal more to you.
everytime you organized an outing the next min you cant even go for it.
whats the point of having it in the first place?
im not saying that sec sch friends are not important..
i just wish that you can stop being such a hypocrite when it comes to these things and start acting for yourself..
looking at the amount of zi lian pictures that you take,
they are not longer 2 digit numbers or anything.
even if you dont post them often on facebook or friendster,
i can still tell.
you've turned into one of them.

but what can i say?
really..what could i do?

yeah i should pretty much shut up too and go sleep.
trainings, trainings.
sigh.

(p/s:
its...actually been a month.
20th july.
...)

2009-07-19T20:38:00.002+08:00

k, back to yesterday's event!

pesta sukan!
woke up at 630am, reached yewtee. met up with teammies,
than took train down to newton.
taxi to CCAB.
reached there,
1st game started at 1045am.
saw shini! :)
played against her team at the last match of qualifiers.
passed qualifiers, passed semi finals,
fight against 3rd and 4th placing.
lost to CHIJ in the end.
4th placing.
prize giving.. saw yue mian.
took bus to JE, train to yew tee- home.

off to study for literature test.
frankenstein is the bomb. :)
oh yeah, and harry potter and the goblet of fire is on now.

"sticks and stones might break my bones,
but words will never hurt me."

(yeah.. right.)

"never met a person who can confidently says "i don't care what other thinks of me." because somehow or other everyone's caught up and they're conscious of what others opinions are. "

harry potteR<3

k im off bye.

(p/s: training resumes tomorrow. no idea if im happy or sad hearing about it.)

its been a while since you've been gone G.
i wonder how you're doing today.
whispers hello, i miss you quite terribly.

2009-07-19T10:08:00.002+08:00

Somewhere behind the athlete you've become,
The hours of practice,
The coaches who push you,
The teammates who believe in you,
And the fans who cheer for you,
There is the little girl who fell in love with the game and never looked back.
Play for her.

I.AM.TANNER!

2009-07-18T22:15:00.002+08:00

shall talk about today tomorrow.

BYE! :)

2009-07-17T23:22:00.003+08:00

i feel stongly about certain things.
and if you cant accept that,
what makes you think that i should change just because of your own set of beliefs?
if i need to change than i alone will make that decision.

2009-07-17T21:59:00.003+08:00

time really flies today. :)

well, anyway after school, i walked to yewtee with liting raih and bryan.
than met xinyi and angeline,
awkwardz!

went home, changed, met xinyi at lot one.
returned library books, (im not a book chongchong!!)
than took bus down to bball court.

BEST GUY FRIEND!! :):):):)

chatted laughed joked. blah ;)

will be meeting them for lunch after school!!
tsktsk, but have to leave early for nball training.

sigh.

and i think i disappointed quite a number of people because i've neglected them due to netball. but i cant be at all 4 places all at the same time.

#1. i told mdm zahirah i wont be going for yew tee csc training.

#2. i told ms neo (geok) that i wont be going for fundraising.

#3. i told zaheera that i wont be going for her life science competition..finals.

#4. i told mom that i cant make it for my father's bday and had to postpone it to a later date.

ughh.
but i still have plans to take a cab down to kallang/science centre if i can make it.
doubt that i can.. anyway.

well, went to tuition at yew tee.
2 new students joined.

than usually i will be sitting with liting, zaheera at the most front row.
but i was late (by 2 mins?!) than i saw the new student take my seat alr.
so i had to sit with the guy behind.

well at least i made a new friend?
but i bet both of the 2 students think that im retarded.

long story, sheesh.

tuition ended at 8.30pm.
wahhhhh. drag until 30 mins later.
pekchek.

took bus with liting, i dropped off and walked to the bball court.
luckily kaijun yuanli yuxuan edwin des were still there!! :)
haha, we all used the poker cards to tell fate.

then edwin told me about my love life.
i mean of course im not going to let my fate depend on a packet of cards.
but for the sake of it, yeah i did.
guess what? like almost ALL of the answers were true.

:):) shall not reveal anything more. tsktsk.
hey but dont let a pack of cards decide your fate however true it may be! :/

wished him one last happy birthday :) (FOR THE YEAR) and than walked home at 9.30pm.

of course i was damn scared to walk home alone! lol. but thanks to edwin and desmond who accompanied me all the way to block there.

aih.

i would still choose basketball over netball. after all this time.

have to sleep early.. tmr need wake up 6.50am to go for romp o9 carnival.
haih.
i hope i can play well tmr.

PRIORITY LIST :

studies. netball. basketball. friends. love.

#1. friends
#2. netball
#3. basketball
#4. studies
#5. love

i think i owe an apology to mr im.
because no matter how many times he tried to convince me that i had potential,
i always seem to fail him.
he told me if i were to carry this on, i had to make sacrifices.
and he kept emphasizing that i had to make studies my top priority.
well. anyway.

i shall end here.

probably going out catching a movie with metal!! :)
next week perhaps.

YUXUAN (SHIFU) birthday is coming up next!

more outings with friends!
=sacrifices.

well i shall end here.

(i miss you grandma.)

KAIJUN-
happy birthday best friend.
will always be here for you no matter what.
(though i would probably need you more than you need me. haha)
<3

2009-07-17T14:49:00.000+08:00

What did the nut say when it sneezed?
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
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.
"Cashew"!

2009-07-17T14:28:00.002+08:00

though my day in school sucked..
but im sure things will get better.

:)

and because 17TH JULY IS AN AMAZING DAY.
coz its my best friend's birthday.
LOVE YOU!

basketball (to meet birthday guy!!) and than tuition, and than i shall go find them again later!! :)

sweeet!!

2009-07-17T00:19:00.002+08:00

today is a very very special day :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAIJUN <3!!

BESTEST FRIENDS.
:) :) :)
I SHALL SEE YOU AT THE BASKETBALL COURT TODAY!!
AND IN MY HANDS, A BIRTHDAY CAKE IT SHALL BE :)

i would have never gotten this far without you,

best friends are friends forever.

2009-07-16T16:46:00.002+08:00

my temperature hit over 37 degress.
and im still coughing and sneezing like there's no tomorrow.

but nothing's gonna stop me from playing netball/b.ball.

even the flu with the swine.

yay for ego. :)

-edit-

yeah i argued with my father for about an hour before i could go out. and i did manage to convince my father..and my mother. i begged like crazy.

yup, it worked.

walked off to the basketball court to help faye in her literature, met twins and walked to yew tee. trained to JE, outram park, dhoby ghaut > bus 16 > KNC.

friendly match against singapore poly, 3rd quarter played C.

then i had a reallly badd headache after that.
i could hardly get up.

it sucks being sick right now. ugh. ):

moments like that are eternity.

2009-07-16T12:09:00.002+08:00

i didnt go school today becoz i was sick.

'nuff said.

did you know you used to be my hero?

2009-07-15T20:17:00.003+08:00

my afternoon/evening was great.
really cool. :)

METAL!! :P

all thanks to this one guy who made the walk home sooo memorable. haha.

you know why he was having that pose?
cos we were watching the sunset tgether,
then suddenly he say, "eh!! what if i block the sun then see whether got the rays shine behind me!! like those legendary acts lah."
damn funny!! so i told him, "okok. can can. you stand here."
then actually ofc cannot see the sunrays, then i tricked him. hahaha.

but nice watching the sunset with him! :)
because it was "slowing down." (inside joke. :P)
i really didnt go back on my promise ok! :)
we walked rounds and rounds and rounds over and over again.
but thanks alot cos it was nice having company :)

from "old court" (bball court) walked to ntuc foodfair, walked to UPS gate, walked to my bus stop, walked to the carpark, walked to the minimart, walked IN to the minimart, walked out to the roadside, walked to the fitness station, walked back to the minimart, walked to the playground, walked back to the fitness station, walked straight to the roadside, walked to and fro over and over again :P

we chatted and laughed like mad. then i even told him about.. something.. and than he got really furious and mentioned about beating that person up. haha. he sounds like my very own blood brother. haha;)

after (idontknow) how many minutes later, finally sent me to my lift and reached home! hahah. thanks ah metal, promised to walk you to your house someday :)

-

well, i spent my whole afternoon playing basketball.
a-m-a-z-i-n-g.
i met new people (and also, 1 sec 3 that happened to be from RGT also!) and I MET MY BEST GUY FRIEND TODAY!!:)

its 2 more days!!

happy like.... like crazy.

its so great meeting pri sch friends lah. ;)
i wish i can go down old court everyday. haha.
i still miss the feeling somehow.

time passes fast but the moments are eternity.

i wish that everyday was like today.
and that'll be just alright with me.

well.. sec sch life isnt the same eh.
just ain't the same anymore.
im sure metal will agree.

okay well, NO HOMEWORK TODAY!
i need to have an early rest..
feeling sick these few days.

mom thinks im having H1N1 flu.
but my temperature would always be a 34/35 degree.
they didnt say anything wrong about havin too low mah.
only under 37.5 can liao :)

OK. IM OFF.
BYE!

(i want things to get off my mind of __. and i want moments like these to last forever.)

XOXO BASKETBALL :)

dilemma.

2009-07-14T20:17:00.002+08:00

back from training at marsiling..

abit no mood to play netball today.
thanks to my flu.
my nose was like going to drop out any minute lah.

anyway!!
swimming programme = canceled!
and also science test on radiation tomorrow!!!
oh and i left my history homework under my table!!

this week feels super busy.
and i wont be satisfied until i rant about it.

OH YAH!!
i have an excuse for going online today too ok!!

had to send that @($&)(@# racial harmony video to MR LIM ZONG HAN, why?!!?
COS HE DIDNT CAME SCHOOL TODAY.

basket lah!!!
wah lao..
*inserts the most non-vulgar word here..well whatever it is.*

btw!!
i had to do 20 pushup cos i said the word bastard today.

wahlao, blame that lao uncle and that si desmond ho from TKD to go pull my hair at the bus -_-
nvm, i dont talk to laotikos.

OH YES,

AND A MILLION (ZILLION) APOLOGIES TO METAL TODAY!!
im super sorry i had to blow off our date.
sorry!! i know we promised to meet on tues/thurs before we chiong for our studies!!
metal!! we shall meet soon k!

but then alamak.. having trainings and all the other stuffs coming on.

AND NEXT WEEK TRAINING RESUMES!!
i dont know whether if im happy or not.
more and more things coming on.

and now this semester seems WAY WAY WAY busier than last semester!
one word: TIRED!

AND HERE'S MY SCHEDULE FOR THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY.
LETS SEE HOW NOT BUSY I AM!!

thursday:
ROMP'o9 training @ marsiling. 3pm - 6.30pm
KNC training @ kallang. 8pm - 10pm.

friday:
best guy friend's birthday! :)
swimming @ cck complex. 2pm-5pm.
tuition @ yew tee. 6.30pm - 8pm.

saturday:
ROMP'o9 carnival @ CCAB, 7am - 6.30pm.
-if they're enough players..
Pesta Sukan carnival (fundraising) @ kallang, 8am-3pm.
-geok gave me permission to miss this due to my schedule but then i don't want to miss this event cos its speed's 1st fundraising carnival and they are in need of manpower.
Yew Tee CSC training @ unity pri, 9am - 11am.
-i think mdm zahirah will understand, but what if coach doesnt?
Life Science Buskers Competition @ science centre, 9am -1pm.
-zaheera's asking me to go for this, to support. and its the F-I-N-A-Ls where we could really clinch 1st prize!!
Class Outing (Movie) @ lot one, afternoon(?).
-i'll totally skip this tyvm.

wow i'd like to change my life with anyone else on saturday.
i dont even know how im going to plan this out!!
ugh..

why did everything had to come on the same date!
my saturday is screwed.

okay im right now very stressed.
i shall go look at my science book in anger.

bye.

last but not least,
she's in woodbridge now for treatment.
she wont be back... until 2 weeks later..
IF she recovers.

2009-07-13T21:55:00.004+08:00

Alright, ignore my previous 2 posts.

Like, really please put it aside cos I think at that moment of time I was "crazy/obsessed" about studying.

Don't times like that just rock? hahah.

Well, anyway, I skipped dinner again.

Cos I had Sakae Sushi for lunch today... yes..buffet -_-
I promise its gonna be the last time man.

15 PLATES OF TAKOYAKI BALLS OK!!
1 PLATE = 3.
SO 6 PEOPLE (bernard, liting, raih, pravin, bryan & me) HAD TO FINISH 9 TAKOYAKI BALLS EACH.

we're so crazy.
uhh.

But it was Pravin's birthday anyway! :)

So one last jolly good time... for this week.

Anyway, I swear I wouldn't have on the computer today!
But I had to make some Racial Harmony video.. zzz..
Mr Lim gave us that assignment like before school ended, and then everyone didn't remember. So he kept postponing the dateline till he couldn't postpone any longer. And every class had to send up at least 1 video.

At first the job was assigned to someone else,
but NOOOOOOOO..
SOMEONE (in particular, a teacher) HAD TO CAME KNOCKING ON THE DOOR DURING MATHS LESSON!
and cos he taught us history last year, and i was looking at his direction.

THAN.IT.HAPPENED.

he did that "FASTER COME LAH" hand sign (you know right!!! DON'T DENY) and i got out from my chair -_- than he was like "okay so where's the racial harmony video?"

duunnnnnn..

So the next lesson i went to find Mr Im about it.
actually he intended to do it one,

BUT TODAY,
due to poor response,
I HAD LESS THAN 12 HOURS TO FINISH THAT @$)(*@#&@ VIDEO.

ughhh...

well. anyway its done. HAHAHA.

well..watch if you have nothing better to do bah.

hahaa.

seriously i really chionged that video. didnt really care much.
not that i dont care about racial harmony,
but really not in the mood these few days.

NO IM NOT PMSING for heaven sake!!

okay see!!

I SHALL NOT ON THE COMP.. until... well when im done with homework. haha.
slowly by slowly lah.

anyways i shall post my schedule for this week so i can see how NOT busy i am :)

tuesday: training for ROMP'o9 carnival @ marsiling.
wednesday: stay back remedial with zaheera.
thursday: training for ROMP'o9 carnival @ marsiling, speed- kallang training for pesta sukan.
friday: tuition, best guy friend's birthday<3 :)
saturday: ROMP'o9 carnival, pesta sukan carnival, science centre life science busking carnival, class outing, harry potter movie!!
sunday: my day out with xinyi.

nope, not busy at all.

oh well who the heck am i kidding?

but i need distractions in my life right now.
i need to get negative thoughts off my grandmother.

my parents are out now.
at this kind of time? yes.

why?

they're sending my grandmother to woodbridge hosp.

...

i love her.
please save her.

whats the use of hoping when you know just by doing it alone nothing's gonna happen?

but till then, i'll just keep on believing. i'll keep believing.

im so thankful this blog is private now, and im so sorry that the ending of this post had to be so.. yeah. you know.

keep on keeping on.

love.

#800th post- pause.

2009-07-12T23:25:00.002+08:00

i want to plug out that computer cable out right now.

and then i'll never, never look back again.

impossible? no.
extremely extremely bloody difficult? yes.

but impossible...?

no.

#799 post.

2009-07-12T23:07:00.001+08:00

english-A2
chinese-B3
maths-A1(>80)
science-A1(>80)
~~geography-A1(>90)~~
history-A1(>90)
dnt-A2(>70)
~~homecons-A2(>70)~~
literature-A1(>80)
art-A2(>70)

conceive, believe, achieve.

2009-07-12T21:07:00.005+08:00

AMAZING day out with xinyi today to the science centre.
didnt really take much pics with her (we were both kinda sian with sci. centre already. haha)

REGENT got 1st for the busking competition!!
well done life sci. team :)
the other teams were awesome too.
i love the guys from catholic high, they were runners up for the competition.
and they had true sportsmanship.
sweet.

jiayou for the finals!! :)

wandered about jurong east, then took train down to lot one.
ate at MOF sweets with xinyi, 3 scoops of ice cream in a waffle, 1 choco sundae.
paid only $1.30. hahaaa.
dont you just love vouchers?

we both were so crazy at the shopping mall.
tsktsk.
took the bus home.

found my uncles and aunties all at my grandma's house..
spirit not that lively eh.

then my father told me that my grandmother was coming over to my room to sleep,
because she doesnt like the ambience there.
i was s-u-p-e-r relieved and wanted so much for her to come over,
but she.... had problems..mentally.

after that she kept saying she wants to go downstairs to sleep.
and how she keeps looking down at the windows,
looking for places to sleep.

so end up she's not coming over to sleep.

its getting more serious day by day.

god, please help her.
i love her.

2009-07-12T11:09:00.000+08:00

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

2009-07-12T00:13:00.002+08:00

im glad i went all out with the truth with mab. yesterday.
(yes bernard, abt the blog too. damn it wasnt easy.)

but i must say she was a good spot.. she really didn't get mad at me.

though we're just classmates and well.. not really that close ones as a matter of a fact.
it was wrong of me to have read her private blog,
whether deliberately or not.
it was still an invasion of privacy.
but rest assured mab, i really wont again.

i still feel guilty after telling her the truth about b.tan,
but it seemed like i had no other way out.
i couldnt see someone falling deeper and deeper and all i could do was watch.
im sorry mab. if what i said today hurt you,
but i can tell b.tan already had kim.

the truth hurts,
but we all gotta accept that.
i apologized to mab for being a bitch and everything,
and im glad she was so open about this.

maybe i should stop judging my classmates and even my own school.
well okay i cant say the same for my own school,
but probably my class.
yeah everyone makes mistakes,
i shouldnt really judge them that way.
and how im fake around people with "higher authority" irks me too.

like it or not, accept me for who i am.
if there's a need to change, i alone will make that decision.

well, anyway thanks bernard.
i guess i really wouldn't have came out the guts to tell mab about this.
and don't worry.
the secret's safe and ____ doesnt hate you.

maybe things will get better.. after i do my homework ._.
talking to randall on facebook. aih.

everyone's having the fever for tuition.

well... hey i just found out something.

i dont know what to say.

2009-07-11T20:38:00.002+08:00

In English :

I love you

In Chinese:

我愛你

In Cantonese :

o oi lei

i should start blogging, really.

2009-07-11T20:00:00.003+08:00

i found out what my grandmother was suffering from.

'major depressive disorder.'

according to wikipedia:

Major depressive disorder (also known as clinical depression, major depression, unipolar depression, or unipolar disorder) is a mental disorder characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. The general term depression is often used to describe the disorder, but as it can also be used to describe other types of psychological depression, more precise terminology is preferred for the disorder in clinical and research use. Major depression is a disabling condition which adversely affects a person's family, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health. In the United States, approximately 3.4% of people with major depression commit suicide, and up to 60% of people who commit suicide have depression or another mood disorder.

The diagnosis of major depressive disorder is based on the patient's self-reported experiences, behavior reported by relatives or friends, and a mental status exam. There is no laboratory test for major depression, although physicians generally request tests for physical conditions that may cause similar symptoms. The most common time of onset is between the ages of 30 and 40 years, with a later peak between 50 and 60 years. Major depression is reported about twice as frequently in women as in men, although men are at higher risk for committing suicide.

Most patients are treated in the community with antidepressant medication and some with psychotherapy or counseling. Hospitalization may be necessary in cases with associated self-neglect or a significant risk of harm to self or others. A minority are treated with electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), under a short-acting general anaesthetic. The course of the disorder varies widely, from one episode lasting months to a lifelong disorder with recurrent major depressive episodes. Depressed individuals have shorter life expectancies than those without depression, in part because of greater susceptibility to medical illnesses. Current and former patients may be stigmatized.

.....
where are the cures?

2009-07-11T18:41:00.013+08:00

yew tee>jurong east>science centre>lotone>home!!

enjoy the pic's cos i really had to click ALOT.
tsktsktsk :)

2009-07-11T10:39:00.001+08:00

woke up unwillingly at 8am. snoozed off till 8.15am,
and then it happened.

MDM ZAHIRAH CANCELED TRAINING BECOZ MS LIM SAID THAT HER AREA WAS RAINING HEAVILY~~

happy or not?!?!?

i dont know!! i was looking forward to training at the same time i was sooooo tired.

but yeah i think im quite happy training canceled :)

because now i can go science centre in peace.

meeting the peeps at 11am!!
AND I HAVENT BATHE!!

yupppp im so going to be late.

btw:

LAST NIGHT DID ANYONE WATCHED SPORTS SE?

I MISSED MYSELF/SPEED/SPEED SEVEN ON TV ):

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

here goes once upon a time.

2009-07-10T20:57:00.003+08:00

school > swimming at cck complex > home > tuition > home.

the days grow longer,
nights grow shorter.

but hey, stars are fallin' all for us. :)edit: 11.12pm
msn conversations are awesome.
thanks jiarui, bernard (you and your jokes. wahlao! haha.) and last but not least metal :)

jiarui has a mega huge-ass protrait of albert einstein IN (yes, IN!) her wall.
i didnt stalk her. my albert einstein instincts were tingling ok!!

bernard gets his jokes from the qing ling mama shop(honestly wtf bernard?!!?) and he wants a video of my brother doing air guitar. his asking if it's now barney's / power ranger's opening theme. haha that bastard. believe it or not his not going online until after exams!!

must be your mole's side effects lah. :)

metal asks how's life and then we start crapping. i miss basketball and old courtttttttttt.. one day we shall walk outside of unity primary 3 rounds over and over again ok!! :) ILY METAL! (though you were a bastard just now. haha!) nevermind. only for just now. HAHA!

i want moments like these to last forever.
and ever and ever and ever.

:)

I'M NOT CRAZY, I'M JUST A LITTLE UNWELL.

2009-07-09T23:51:00.001+08:00

you asked for it pal.

2009-07-09T22:05:00.004+08:00

these days arent easy anymore.

anyway i cleared things up with __. im not sure if its the right thing to do but yup hopefully things get better. i dont wish to end up like a fastfood restaurant. (inside joke. its okay if you dont get it!)

swimming tomorrow after school. tuition tomorrow after school.

anyway i finally found out what event it is!!
cant wait for next saturday to participate ;)

ROMP'o9

thank goodness its not that pesta sukan.
liya actually asked me to umpire for her team and it seemed like it was really important.
"our team needs you."
sorry but i've already agreed to geok that i wld umpire for st hilda's. ):

i've got to put a stop at this umpiring thingy but it seems that i cant run away from it.

well anyway I MISS NETBALL.

:):) I LOOK FORWARD TO SATURDAY'S YEW TEE CSC TRAINING.
okok well this is pretty much all i have to say.

peace.

p/s: bernard, i want my da chang jin cd.
no i'm serious.

2009-07-09T17:13:00.002+08:00

how can one be so filled with joy and laughter on the outside,
yet feel so empty and alone on the inside?

how is it that i can always feel so amazing when i'm with my friends(clique),
yet somehow there's something deep down that makes you feel so miserable.

why is it so hard to mantain both relationships between nball and clique?

why does it feel like im torn apart between both groups?

something so significant, yet neglected.

do i really belong here?
honestly i dont know.

but looking back in may,
it seemed like a wise choice to get back the perfect 10 and started that petition.
but really...
are choices like that.. wise now?

whats the meaning of being left behind?
whats the meaning of being left out?
whats the meaning of being left alone?

do all 3 meanings differ?

whats it like to actually, actually feel like you're something among your peers?
whats it like to not be left alone?

whats it like to have the best of both worlds?
no. definately not hannah montana.

but yeah, whats it like?